When you look at a mirror what do you
see? An image of yourself, isn’t it? But who are you exactly? Have you ever sat
down to have some alone time about who you really are? If someone walked up to you
and asked you to name five things that define you uniquely, what would you say?
How long would you have thought about them? Would any of them have anything to
do with love?
I think something common to all of us
is love. We all know what love is, and we feel it when it is experienced. Pure
love is unconditional and can be perceived even without action. Now, is there
usually an intention behind love?
I think so. I also think this is what
differentiates between the types of love widely acknowledged as unconditional
and conditional.
Love proceeds from a source. Like an
electric spark, it is ignited from deep within us. Scientists have a story to
tell about the chemistry. Love is either sustained or allowed to die out just
like an electric spark. I have noticed over time that as human beings, we have
a desire to nurture what we know and are comfortable with, like habits and
hobbies. However, things that require sacrifice and deliberate efforts to
sustain, we struggle with. So, what am I talking about? My Christian religious
belief teaches us to love God with all our heart and with all
our soul and with all our mind and with all our strength; and our
neighbours as ourselves (unconditionally) (Mark 12: 30-31). My religious belief
teaches us men to love our spouses just like Jesus Christ loved the Church
(Ephesians 5:25). My religious belief teaches us to love our Children
unconditionally (Ephesians 6:4). Similar teachings may exist in other
religions. But just how difficult are these teachings? Don’t ask me, and if you
like, pretend you are from Planet Mars.
I sometimes feel many of us don’t
know that love must actually start from within ourselves first. If you don’t
know how to love spiritually, you may not know how to love conditionally. You would
simply fail woefully if you tried to give what you don’t have. You cannot also
express something you don’t know. So, yes! Many people don’t know what love is.
My religious belief teaches us to love ourselves. This is tricky because it is
possible to easily go overboard. When I say love yourself, I don’t mean excess
attention to your body or material things for self. Don’t forget you have a
soul, and in fact, that is the real you. That is if you believe in the
afterlife. So how can someone love his or her soul? Very simple. You have to
enrich yourself spiritually and cleanse yourself of sin as often as you commit
them. You also have to constantly make effort to avoid sinning – that is offending
God. Since your soul resides in your body, your body also requires your love
and attention. That is why you take your bath, brush your teeth, eat food and
shave here and there, and wear makeup and clothes.
Love cannot accurately be measured.
No matter how much love you think you are expressing, you are only making an
attempt of what is actually possible. The word love has become a normal
vocabulary in everyday use. How many of you know what love is in your local
dialect? Now do you know what love is in any other dialect? I got you on that
one. You see, the word love has a very deep meaning. It was part of the fabric
that formed our essence right from the beginning of creation. For those of us
that believe in creationism, God’s breath into Adam carried love. So if we came
out from one cell and evolved like we were taught, how did we come about this
difficult, complex, and often misunderstood feeling called love? Anyway, no debates
today.
There are usually more than one person we like
to be with every time. We are either attracted to them because they are
beautiful or handsome, or the way they dress, talk, walk, laugh, and so on and
so forth. You know the drill. Sometimes we feel we love them all. So, love for
another human can be conditional. In this example, we are attracted to others
and feel the desire to be with them without any hindrances. However, when you
achieve being with someone without hindrances, the truth hits you. We all know
the truth is harsh. You get to know how deep your feelings truly are for that person.
The depth of love is the strength of human relationships. Keep in mind that conditional
love has no permanent home. It needs to be serviced just like your body. You
need to learn how to service it to keep it fresh or at least sustain it. Love
grows old too. There are those little things that make a huge difference when
taken for granted. Love is expressed through energy, and trust me, you will
always run into other people who will pull your love energy. Whether you let it
go is another thing. Remember, it is possible to love more than one person at
the same time, but you cannot conditionally love any two human beings equally. You
love someone conditionally because of something he or she possesses that
attracts you. Unconditional love is foundational and endless. For example, the
bond you feel for your parents, siblings and children. You simply would not do
anything to them that you wouldn’t want for yourself. Of course! There are some
exceptions but the fact remains. This rule is universal but often broken where
conditional love exists.
Since we are all unique, how is it possible for you to
love equally on conditional bases? Here is my personal conviction. Since love
proceeds from God, you have to love God and love yourself. On this premise, you
can develop unconditional love for all humans especially those related to you
by blood. Furthermore, you can begin to love specific people conditionally
because of unique attractions. You are not capable of true love if you are not
in communion with God. As someone close to me once said, any human relationship
based on love can be likened to a triangle of equal sides at first. God is on
top, and the persons are on either side. If both persons continue to move
towards God together, the relationship remains relatively stable. The moment one
person begins to drift away from God, the relationship becomes skewed and
unstable. Seek God and you will find true love.
